If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
