Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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