I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
