eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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