sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
