the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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