dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
