If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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