he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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