I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
