i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
