my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
