i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
