im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is wine microwaveable?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
