i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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