we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
