I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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