Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize