i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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