just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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