just tell him i said nine months
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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