im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
