i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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