real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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