I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
