did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
