I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
