Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
