and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
