party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is Oprah even human
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
