At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
