Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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