I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
