do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
