He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
