On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
