Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
