Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
