oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
