It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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