I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
