Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Bring me that man meat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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