I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
