I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
