Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
