anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
