cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
