im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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