It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
