I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
