Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize