I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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