would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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