shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize