hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
