I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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