My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
