I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
