Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
