This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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