Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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