took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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