your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
