Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
