Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
