if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
