what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
