very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize