I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
