He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
