Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
