is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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