my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
