Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
