if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
