Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
