Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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