Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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