hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
