genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
