brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
