help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
